Category: Uncategorized

The Best Love

I was having a bad moment.  I felt like all my buttons had been pushed.  I was mad and snapped at my husband Jake.  Then words began tumbling out, a torrent.  I unloaded, said all I wanted to say, then finally sputtered to a stop.  Do real Christians even act like this, I was thinking?  Do they get this confused, conflicted, upset, and accusing?  I wished I was handling things better, was steady not snappish and rude, composed not unglued.       

I looked at Jake when I was done.  Though he was most likely shocked, he appeared to be absorbing everything with patience and kindness.  Truly listening.  Not dismissive.  Not making me feel like a crazy irrational person.  He did not rebuke me.  He explained how he saw things.  How he loved me.  He dignified me.  

Then… he defended me.    

Now I was in shock.   What love is this I thought?  That defends the broken?  I was so certain my behavior had pushed up against some limit, and that I would get push back for reaching that justifiable boundary.  Instead, I felt Jake’s love enlarging to meet my need.  I was shaking my head, trying to wrap it around the moment, when another strange thing happened.  I remembered the verses I had read that morning.  Verses I really had wanted to understand, but couldn’t.  The verses were,      

I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge…”

Eph. 3:17-19 NIV     

How do you grasp the depth or wideness of someone’s love?  Of God’s love? How do you learn how big it is?  Well, you have a really bad moment…  you sin, you fail, you misbehave, you blow up or blow it.  In your brokenness you breakdown and brush up against what you thought was the edge of love, the border, the limit.  Then you grasp the depth of that love, because you need it.  And you learn that God’s love is way bigger than you thought.         

In God’s love you are not scolded, you are dignified.  Declarations of affection are made over you that boggle your mind– that you do not understand, or deserve.  You will shake your head in amazement.  You will feel like someone is genuinely for you, not just trying to be, not making you a spiritual project, not putting up with you because they should or because they have to or because they are trying to do right or keep a vow.  No, their heart really is in it.

God’s heart is in it.  God’s love feels like genuine, amazing, “I don’t deserve it” “how can this be,” affection.  It feels so good.  It feels like someone can see you beyond the moment, beyond the mess, beyond the sin and failure.  It gives hope.  It’s beautiful. 

On that day, in my bad moment, I got to know more of the depths of God’s love.  I got to understand it through experience.  And, it made a great impression on me.  Deep, un-human, divine, love.  It makes a mark.    

We can easily get the idea that true love is when you feel beautiful, or look wonderful, or act perfect, or have your act gloriously together and someone else takes notice and finds you amazing, stunning, irresistible, lovely, and loveable.  And that person looks perfect and acts perfect too.  But that is such a narrow and small view.  God does not say, “I can only love you if you look or act this way.”

We are all broken strugglers.  We all have sinful ugly off screen moments, or seasons.  But God does not look away, push back, or walk away.  Jesus proved that on the cross.  God hangs in there.  He loves us when it doesn’t feel good.  When we don’t look good, and are not at our best, God lovingly bears with us.  His love is large enough for all occasions.  God intends we know this “love that surpasses knowledge.”  Maybe you need to know it today. 

“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”  Jeremiah 31:3 NLV/NLT       

The Best Hallelujah Chorus

My dad’s strength and memory were failing.  I was struggling with the changes, but he was at peace and cheerful.  My dad had a beautiful voice and loved to sing hymns.  One day we were sitting at the table and He was unusually quiet and somber.  I didn’t know what to do so I got the hymnal, laid it in front of us, and flipped it open.  We knew the hymn on the page and started quietly singing. 

Normally we would flip through the book and find a song we liked or look up our favorites in the index.  But on this day my dad turned the page and we began singing the hymns in order.  When we came to a song we didn’t know one of us would say, “I don’t know that one. Do you?” and we’d go to the next song.  We were progressing like this for a while when there before us was the Hallelujah Chorus.  I was surprised.  I didn’t know it was in the hymnal. 

“Oh, The Hallelujah Chorus” I said, “that’s too hard.  We can’t sing that!”  But my dad surprised me.  “We can do it,” he said, “Let’s do it” he smiled.  And so, we started out, “Hallelujah… Hallelujah….”  We were bent over the pages. “For… the Lord God omni….potent reigneth…” we were making our way.  When we missed a note, and we missed plenty, we stopped, got our bearings and restarted.  When we came to the really fast and high “Hallelujahs” we were squeaking like mice and started to laugh.  We picked back up and started laughing again. 

With dual determination we pressed through the pages of that most famous song from Handel’s Messiah.  When we got to the final “Hallelujah” we were so happy.  And so proud of ourselves.  You would have thought we had sung like professionals and received an ovation at Orchestra Hall.

The Hallelujah Chorus.  We didn’t know we had it in us really.  But we did.  I noticed then the open window across from us, it was springtime after all.  And I smiled as I wondered what people in the neighboring apartments had thought if their windows were open as well.  I hoped we had given them something to smile about, a bit of joy in life’s certain struggles.  That Hallelujah Chorus day is one of my favorite memories of my dad in his final months.     

As we journey through this life, and turn the pages of our story, we will come across a challenge like the Hallelujah Chorus, a challenge we’re tempted to pass over, avoid or forgo.  We aren’t professionals after all and things look daunting.  We’re not sure we can keep the pace.  Or scale the heights.  And if we do, it won’t be pretty.  But that day my dad who was having trouble remembering and laboring to perform simple tasks looked at the page and said, “We can do it.  Let’s do it.” 

And so, in spite of our inability and weakness, with our little engines and our stop and start voices, we sputtered forward.  And as we did, we found joy and renewed our hope as we declared a glorious truth together.  That whatever we face, whatever the season, we can sing or say “Hallelujah!”  For over it all and in it all, the Lord God Almighty does indeed reign.  He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  And He shall reign forever.  And ever.  Hallelujah!

After this I heard what sounded like a great multitude in heaven shouting, “Hallelujah! Salvation and glory and power belong to our God, because his judgments are true and right.” Revelation 19:1    

Holy Expectation

Recently I was asked if I would lead a discussion session at our church’s ladies event.  I was given the material beforehand and was preparing by answering the questions in it for myself.  I was really enjoying the process.  Until I came to a question about expectation.  When I was asked what I expected God to do in the future, and to thank him in advance for what he would do, I froze.  I felt like I was taking a test I had not studied for.  Then before I knew it, thoughts that must have been deep in my heart, tumbled out, rapid fire, “I don’t know what God will do in the future. He does what he wants. I don’t know what he will do.”  I just couldn’t put that down.  I knew it was a bad answer.     

I tried to think of what would be good to write and jotted down some things I hoped would happen, things I had prayed for.  As I wrote them I felt little conviction and no wonderful sense of expectation.  Then I sat there thinking, about my unwritten answer.  It bothered me.  A chink in my trust had been exposed. 

It was very clear to me that God has been there for me in my past.  And I was convinced God was in the present helping me moment by moment.  But when I looked ahead, down the road, I was… nervous.  I began to argue with myself.  You expect things from your husband.  You know he will show up for dinner, you expect it.  You believe him when he says he will help.  What about God?  You are in a relationship with Him. There are things you should expect him to do…  Next I felt like God had joined the argument.  He was speaking to my heart, There are things you should expect me to do.  Things I have told you in my word, promises I have made.  You need to expect things from me.  I knew that was true.

I had been living without any sense of holy expectation.  And in that moment I felt the Lord granting me a little gift.  The gift of expecting him to be there, in the future, to help with whatever I needed, to fulfill promises he has made.   

“Why do you look for the living among the dead?  He is not here; he has risen!  Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hand of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.”  Luke 24: 5-7 NIV 

When Mary went into the garden on resurrection morning, she was crying, carrying burial spices, and planning to attend to a dead body.  She was not expecting Jesus to be alive.  Until Jesus personal conversation with her she could not see or understand what was true, that Jesus had risen just as he said.  She thought Jesus was dead, his body perhaps stolen.  Jesus was alive.  He had robbed death.  Mary was viewing things under an old paradigm, or mindset.  Have you ever done that? 

I have.  What is an old paradigm of mine, a fruitless way of seeing things that needs to go?  Here is one.  Expecting too much from myself and other people, and expecting nothing from God.  Here is another, believing that it’s better and safer not to expect– believing that somehow not expecting saves me from disappointment and prepares me to better handle things.  Wouldn’t it be better to believe and expect that Jesus will do what he says and that he will show up for us, on any day, for our good, no matter what?  The cross proved that Jesus is faithful to show up on the hardest of days, to bear every hard thing on our behalf.         

Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news:  “I have seen the Lord.”   John   20:18 NIV

Last week family came for a visit.  They told me they were coming and when they would arrive.  I believed them.  I expected them.  Then I acted on that expectation.  I cleaned.  I made beds.  And as I did, I thought of Jesus words, “I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will return and take you to be with me”(John 14:2-3).  I’ve read those words many times and heard them many times.  And I have loved them.  This time however, those words took on new meaning.  Why?  Because I believed them. 

Oh Lord,
Forgive me.  I grow tired and weary and wonder if I will make it.  You do not.  I wonder if I will have what it takes to do your will, to be faithful whatever comes.  But you, you cannot be unfaithful.  You cannot be un-strong, you cannot be fickle or ungracious.  You cannot fail to show up.  You cannot fail to live up to your vows and promises.   You will not cease to guide and provide. I know so little of your matchless character, because I have often projected onto you my own ways. Open my eyes to see your glory. Help me to see who you really are as declared in your Word.  Lord, help me to trust in you with all my heart and to lean not on my own understanding (Prov. 3:5).  From this day forward may I no longer wonder what will happen, but instead expect you to do what you say.  Fill me with holy expectation so that I may reflect your true character to the world.
Amen

Ambushed

Recently something surprised me and upset me to tears.  It was a small thing, but still “I don’t like surprises,” I told my husband.  “Well, I don’t like bad surprises,” I clarified as he was helping me pray about it.  I haven’t had many bad surprises in my life, but I go to pieces when I feel ambushed.  I sit down and wilt.  The Lord began to guide my startled heart and steady me with truth. 

Later that day I felt a worthy whisper to my soul, “What about all the good surprises?”  I stopped what I was doing and took in the question?  I liked it.  God was leading me to recollect and recount His goodness.  

That evening my husband was giving a live devotional teaching and I sat behind the camera listening.  Near the end of his talk he mentioned his mother who recently died and about how God had given him a comforting picture of her.  It’s a real picture of her actually.  We found it two months ago when we were going through albums.  She was younger, looking up and away, her eyes wide, bright and happy.  I’ve wondered what caused her such delight in that photo because what she is looking at is out of our view.  My husband says this is the picture that God has impressed on his mind.  He sees it as his mother’s glad surprise when she arrives in heaven.  When my husband uses the word surprise I’m arrested.  As he continues to share with his followers, God is speaking to me.  “Heaven will be the best good surprise.  It will be astonishingly good.”

As I lay in bed that night I have time to recount God’s good surprises.  My list begins when I am a young girl with my dad leaving new shoes by my bed during the night, shoes my mom asked him to pick up during his late shift at work.  I remember winning a poster contest.  I recall a hum drum evening turning on a happy dime with the announcement that we were going to the Dairy Queen.  There were many surprising blankets of snow.  I remember the day my dad accompanied us ice skating and we arrived home after dark to a cozy supper laid out by mom, a scene etched in my mind.  And then, there’s the surprise of Christmas presents.  So much kindness wrapped up under our tree…  I’ve spent many nights now recounting God’s goodnesses and I’ve yet to make it out of my childhood memories before I fall asleep.  I should work the list backwards next time. 

As a church we are reading the Bible through.  Recently we encountered one of my favorite stories. It’s about David when he was ambushed.  David had been through a lot, running for his life from King Saul, living hand to mouth, camping out in enemy territory, trying not to make any mistakes in his conduct.  He and his fighting men arrive back at their camp in Ziklag to find it destroyed by fire, their wives and children carried off by the Amalekites.  It was awful.  The Bible says that “David and his men wept aloud until they had no more strength left to weep.” (1 Sam. 30:4)  And that “David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him.”  They were so bitter in spirit over their loss. 

At this juncture David did two important things.  First, the Bible says he “found strength in the Lord his God.”  This is a habit that David had cultivated.  Second, David did not accuse the Lord, but “inquired” of Him.  “Shall I pursue this raiding party?  Will I overtake them?” he asked.  (1 Sam. 30:8)

“Pursue them,” the Lord answered.  “You will certainly overtake them and succeed in the rescue.”    

It was an arduous battle but God led David and his men.  They fought for and retrieved everyone and everything.  Nothing was missing.  Plus, there was plunder.  So much plunder that David sent some as gifts to those in all the places he and his men had roamed.  It’s interesting to note that David did not think, “Surely after all I have been through I deserve this wealth.  I will keep it for myself.”

In this story we learn how to handle an ambush, a bad surprise, heartache, despair, betrayal, terrible news, whatever…  Here David shows us how true royalty behaves, for we are God’s royal sons and daughters.  And with God’s promises and His counsel there is always a way forward when we feel devastated.  Strengthening ourselves in God during any trouble, and inquiring of him, these are good things to learn and be practicing.

I think this attack at Ziklag was probably David’s toughest moment on the way to what God had anointed him for and promised him, the kingship.  Scripture proves that there is often a great and difficult battle before a breakthrough and a shift in the kingdom. 

After this struggle to retrieve their families, King Saul who has hunted David for years dies.  And things begin to shift.  We see this at the cross of Christ as well.  That was a very dark day, a day of betrayal, desertion, abuse, loneliness, suffering…  Jesus inquired of the Father and pressed through in obedience, paying for our sins.  He rescued us from our enemy.  He brought us back home to God.  A kingdom shifted.  A great and glorious surprise for all mankind. 

What has the enemy run off with that belonged to you?  Do things appear lost or over?  Maybe they’re not.  Strengthen yourself in the Lord.  Inquire of him.  Is he telling you to go after something? 

He did me.    

Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood… Take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray…. Ephesians 6: 10-11, 16-18 NIV

For nothing is impossible with God. Luke 1:37 NLT

The King is Coming

We are in the midst of a pandemic, the global outbreak of a deadly virus, and all but essential businesses have been shut down.  Just like that, in a matter of weeks, no concerts, no sporting events, no March madness, no school or college campus classes, no church gatherings.  Even the Olympics have been cancelled.  Everyone is ordered to stay at home. 

What is God up to I wonder?  What is he doing?  And what does he desire to do in me?  Do I need to repent?  Let me do it.  Do I need to change my ways?  Let me do it.  Have I taken up an idol and allowed my heart to be divided?  Let me cast it down now for Jesus alone.  God alone.  These are thoughts that run through my mind.     

This past week I was FaceTiming my mom and she reminded me of a song called “The King is Coming.”  As a young girl I remember hearing Doug Oldham sing it.  It’s a very visual song and the scenes always played out in my mind when I heard it.  In the middle of our conversation my mom began reciting the words. The old scenes came back as I listened…

The marketplace is empty
No more traffic in the streets
All the builders’ tools are silent
No more time to harvest wheat
Busy housewives cease their labors
In the courtroom no debate
Work on earth is all suspended
As the King comes thro’ the gate.
O the King is coming
The King is coming…

I’ve been thinking about that song all week.  Never in my lifetime did I expect to see such a dramatic suspension of the world’s activities.  I’m still in shock.  And awe.  It makes me wonder, is it time for this prophecy to be fulfilled?  Is the King, Jesus, coming?  Who could clear a room quicker than God?  And why would he?  Why the suspension of activity?  Is it a holy hush?  Is God clearing the way for a greater entrance into my heart or his great entrance into the world?  I feel him directing my soul toward higher realities.  I see how I’ve been consumed with “my little kingdom” things.

One night on my couch, I’m listening to the song again.  It’s over and I’m thinking.  Truths are rushing in.  Today I pen them…        

There is a greater courtroom to consider  
A higher judge
A grander debate
A better business to be done
A more worthy race to run
There is a greater glory
One more worthy
Of our cheers than men
A higher arena
A greater drama
There is a grander stage
Truer songs
Words more worthy of our breath
Higher bread
Truer gold
A greater exchange to invest in
The gold of salvation
The ransom of men
For our King comes soon
Through the gate
There’s no time to sleep my soul
Be shaken now awake    

“…we wait for the blessed hope, that is the glorious appearance of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.” Titus 2:13 EHV

Perpetuate the Wonder

There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it.  His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow.  The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men… 

some of the guards went into the city and reported to the chief priests everything that had happened.  When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money, telling them, “You are to say ‘His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep’ …so the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed.” Matt. 28: 2-4, 11-13, 15 NIV

The chief priests were determined to believe what they wanted to believe and to keep everything the way it was.  This isn’t the first time they hear a report about something amazing that Jesus did and remain completely unmoved by it.  They don’t even blink.  They don’t absorb the wonder.  People had been healed in front of them, and they disregarded it- no joy, no compassion for the one healed, no amazement at God or Jesus.  Now an angel has rolled a gravestone away.  Jesus crucified, is risen from the dead.  The power of sin is broken. 

And their faces are stony, their hearts hardened by their own agendas.  Then, they get out bribe money to keep their own plans and positions intact.   And the guards, after witnessing a miracle, are willing to become liars to keep their jobs.  They take the money and leave true riches on the table. 

Oh Lord,

Examine my heart. Where do I ignore the wonder of you in order to protect my plan, and my way?  Let me be in awe of your resurrection.  And of you.  Let me stop and acknowledge the wonderful and surprising things you do.  Even if it slows me down.  And costs me.  Let me live to perpetuate the wonder of you. 

Amen.